Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Boba Fett- why so serious?

    Warning: if you don't like hearing nerd rant, then stop reading. I'm a Star Wars nerd. I know everything about the universe, in the movies and the books, and I pride myself on it.  My favorite character? Boba Fett. I will readily admit, I have a slightly unhealthy obsession with the man and his amazing intellect. And the following post will be dedicated entirely to him, based on the following points: The extent of the canonity of the Star Wars franchise, his role within the Star Wars Universe, and why, without a doubt, he's the only contender (except for Wolverine) that I can think of who Iron Man would not murder in ten seconds flat- including Batman.  Now, I realize that this is pretty controversial- this is the same guy who has all of four lines in all three original movies, five lines if you count his yell as he slides into the Sarlacc pit. For many people, he just isn't that great, and as far as many know, he died during the events of ROTJ.
      Let me get one thing straight: the books are canon. They're passed through editing and have gone under the eyes of George Lucas. They are most definitely worthy of carrying on the Star Wars universe after some of the absolutely terrible writing and plot that came from the "Prequel" trilogy. And in the Star Wars books, Boba Fett survives. He crawls from the Sarlacc, and continues to kick intergalactic butt, rising to power as the leader of Mandalore and reclaiming his title as "The Best". In other words, the books are exactly why he gets what he deserves, because George Lucas owes me a Steak Dinner for killing him off so anticlimactically.
     Ergo, Fett is alive. Before we move on, I wanted that point made. Now onto the next one. Fett is very, very important. How a guy who essentially does nothing except whine about Solo possibly being killed and then later gets smacked into the side of a sailbarge by a half-blind Han Solo is important may confuse some of you. The case could be made that, objectively, Jar Jar Binks is more important than Fett.
      If you agreed with that statement, I politely request you leave my blog, my presence (if you know me), never speak to me again (if you know me), and return to watching The Phantom Menace, which I'm sure you regard as a timeless classic. Why? A: Fett dresses impeccably. And by 'dresses', I mean he wears awesome-looking Mandolorian armor. B: Boba Fett is the reason the fifth movie, The Empire Strikes Back, was made. He tracks Han Solo, leads Vader to his location at Cloud City, and turns him in for a double bounty to Jabba the Hut. That is, excluding the battle at Hoth, the plot of the movie. Without him, Han Solo would never have stayed in the Carbonite Hotel, and the first one-third of Return of the Jedi (Jabba's Palace) wouldn't have occurred.
       Next, let's add the books in, because, as I discussed earlier, they are cannon. Boba Fett singlehandedly takes down the Bounty Hunter guild, and later on, he trains Jaina Solo in order for her to take down her brother, Jacen Solo. Arguably, without him, she would have died. At this point, I feel it necessary to mention that as he ages, Fett only seems to get better.
    Next point? Boba Fett easily takes the cake based on his skill and good looks. To prove this point, I will appeal both to the movies and the books.

  • Boba Fett is a clone of his father, Jango. Don't believe Boba's deadly? Alright, movie fans. He's the only untampered clone of his father in existence by the time of RoTJ, unless you're counting the Nulls, "mistakes" who may or may not have survived. First, Fett Sr. manages to take down Obi Wan Kenobi. If you don't believe me, watch the Kamino fight scene between he and Obi Wan. Not only does Jango kick the Jedi Master's butt, Kenobi only surviving by chance, but then BOBA gets in on the action, providing his father with cover-fire from Slave 1 at age... what, 7? Jango is also the only man in the movies who ever manages to pull off a Jedi kill with only a blaster, which he does in Attack of the Clones. THAT's who Boba Fett is identical to. True, Jango dies within the next couple of seconds, but it's Samuel L. Jackson as Mace Windu! Nobody beats Samuel L. Jackson. What do you mean, 'what'? Say 'what' again! I DARE YOU! I DOUBLE DOG dare you!
  • Next, let's go to the books. Jango and Boba both rack up unheard of amounts of kills and credits, many of which are Jedi. No need to ask about why they're so awesome. But here's the difference- whereas Jango gets his head removed, Boba not only returns from the grave (the Sarlacc) and claws his way back into the top spot, but he also faces down the Dark Lord of the Sith, Darth Vader. Once again, canon. Look it up on Wookiepedia, because I swear it happens. Why Boba keeps Darth alive? Because there was a possibility for more profit. Not because he was scared (although the Empire would undoubtedly have attempted to kill him), but because there was the possibility he could get more credits. There's countless examples of Fett's skill and dedication, as well as his intelligence- too many to count, so I won't bother. Look 'em up!
  • Boba Fett has all the tech. Here's his full specs- http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Boba_Fett. Is that not enough to take down a tank? Actually, more than. Combine that with his proven intellect, and he'll beat anybody. 
  • Fett would destroy Batman. It's true. I'll argue later if anybody feels up to it. Let me just say this: Wrist mounted rocket launcher. Beskar armor. That's invincible. 360 degree scanner radius. Multiple scanning levels, nowhere to hide. Batman dies horribly within the next ten seconds. As does anybody else except for amazingly powerful minor god-level characters. 

         So, that's that. Fett is awesome. If you don't agree, then too bad. But I'm right. Here's to the single most important and awesome character from the Star Wars universe... Jar-Jar Bi-


  Fett. Boba Fett.

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